A successful contest prep can be influenced by a few moments on stage, resulting in an undesired placing, leading to feelings of failure. If you have competed long enough in bodybuilding, there is a good chance that you have experienced a letdown in your placing. How does an individual maintain perspective on the progress they have made, recognizing personal success when the result on stage can evoke the emotional response of failure?
I competed in bodybuilding contests for many years, and took my shot at the prestigious IFBB pro card multiple times, coming up empty-handed and sometimes without any recognition that I was there, other than the undersized t-shirt I received at check-in. One particular contest proved to be more emotionally challenging than others. In 2019, I competed in two prior NPC national shows that year, and going into the third, I felt I had made the improvement necessary to improve on my prior placings which was 4th, or at least would be in a strong position for top 5, which did not happen, resulting in my worst stage placings of the year. I remember feeling disappointed as I walked off stage, knowing that my position on stage was going to be on the border of making the top 5, but I thought surely there was no way I wouldn’t at least be fifth. My heart sank as I heard the top 5 announced without my name being mentioned; my stomach moved upward to meet it, and a sense of embarrassment quickly overtook me, resulting in feelings of guilt and shame. I remember walking to the elevator, hoping I would have it to myself, which I can no longer recall if I did or not. I sat in a chair for what seemed like forever, staring into the nothingness of my room, frozen in time. Eventually I showered and got myself together and took a stroll down the road, away from the hotel, looking for a quiet place to eat where likely no one from the bodybuilding world would be to potentially ask if I competed or how I did as I didn’t have time yet to construct my story that I would tell others upon returning home justifying my placing. This was probably the hardest letdown I felt emotionally during my competing years, which was my second-to-last contest that I would compete in.
In hindsight, I probably should not have competed in that final show in 2019, as it was the fifth contest that I had competed in that year, following two local regional shows and two prior national shows, making for a long contest prep. I felt confident with the results in the previous contests, so I pushed for one more rather than calling it a year and transitioning into the offseason. Still, I kept going for one more opportunity to see what would happen, which, at the time, left my emotions scattered, but opened the door to self-growth, which is the only option when walking away from disappointment. That is the key understanding we must process when feeling disappointed after walking off stage. Suppose we fail to find a way to utilize this experience for self-growth; in that case, we can continually beat ourselves up and live in a volatile emotional state, chasing a placement that can become frustrating. The reason this emotional letdown became difficult was that I had allowed myself to focus on too many external factors, including thoughts of winning a pro card without any consideration of self-growth. Therefore, the placing, for a moment, defined the prep.
The fact is, only one person wins, and if only one person wins, does that mean only one person had a successful contest prep? The answer is no. But how do we process moral victories? For my next contest prep, which would be my last, I mentally committed myself to enjoying the process, detached from setting a goal of winning. I did not consciously go through my final prep with the acknowledgement that it would be my last, but as I reflect, there was an element of unconscious awareness that I needed to take in the experience of the prep more so than I had in the prior preps. I went through that prep with an appreciation of the progress I was making each week. External factors, such as the appearance of competitors on social media and how others looked in various contests, were not considered. Instead, my sole focus was on my own progress, allowing me to process and appreciate the changes in my physique. I remember the last few weeks of that prep feeling like I had achieved the look in my mind that I saw in the mirror. I have discussed this phenomenon in other writings, but I genuinely believe that the only way to walk away from this sport content is to align the image in the mirror with the image in your mind. When this happens, the placement truly does not matter; what others say doesn’t have an impact, and a feeling arises that this is genuinely your own journey leading towards self-growth. After that show, I still hadn’t won my pro card, but it no longer mattered. I had done my final posing routine for enjoyment, walked off the stage, and out of the backstage area, feeling a sense of peace and contentment. Still, at this point, I did not consciously think it would be the last show, as I was undecided about whether to continue. I had planned to compete in two national shows that prep; however, I knew walking out of backstage that I did not feel the need to compete in that next show. Eventually, a few months later, I decided to call it quits and close the chapter on competing, which has now been nearly five years since I was onstage, and I still don’t feel an itch or desire to prep again. That lack of desire stems from a calmness that there isn’t a need or point to compete, as I don’t see a self-growth opportunity for myself in doing it again at this stage of my life.
Previously, I mentioned the feelings of guilt and shame that I believe many competitors feel after a letdown on stage. It is important to distinguish between the two, as guilt is related to the outcome, and really, the guilt in this situation should be described as disappointment, which is okay. I think it is okay to feel disappointed with an unsatisfactory placing in the moment. However, shame is what we want to avoid because shame relates to the judgment against our character, and whether we win or lose a bodybuilding contest should never impact our sense of character. Many times, we throw around the ideas of guilt and shame as they relate to bodybuilding or body image in general. It is important for competitors to consider their emotions and distinguish between feeling an emotion in the moment, such as disappointment, and attributing it to shame or a character flaw. A common response I talk to competitors about is the fear of going back to the gym and facing those who supported us and feeling a sense of shame. If this is how you have felt as a competitor, remember, shame is related to a character flaw, and no one is judging your character about your placing on stage or social media. Giving ourselves self-compassion and leaning on those who have supported us, even when we feel disappointed, embarrassed, or any other emotion other than shame, is crucial for allowing ourselves to grow and find meaning in our experiences. This is how bodybuilding should be approached, not as a competition, but as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. If we do this, then the placement is never a definition of the success of the prep.
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